Pool Poop

While at the community pool today, we had our third incident of Pool Poop. No, it did not come from my son - thank Heavens. It's becoming a regular drill that this mom is getting used to. The lifeguard's voice comes over the loud speaker and announces, "At this time, we need to ask you to exit the toddler pool so that we can regulate the pH balance due to bodily excretions," which is lifeguard-ese for "One of your bratty kids left a turd in the pool and we need to scoop it out with our turd net and pretend to miraculously rid the pool of all disgusting turd residue.

"While we waited on the sidelines, I began thinking of the first time this happened earlier in the summer. I was fortunate enough to spot the pool poop myself. I glanced down and hoped that it was merely a waterlogged raisinette or a Baby Ruth, in true Caddyshack fashion. Within moments, I heard the announcement that confirmed my fears and whisked my son and myself out of harms way. I immediately called my ObGyn.

Anyone who knows me well will not be surprised that I worried about the dangers my unborn baby faced due to me being exposed to pool poop. "Hi, this is Kelli. I'm one of Dr. Dudley's patients, and I have a stupid question. I was swimming with my son in the toddler pool and it seems as though I've been swimming in toddler poop-infested waters. Should I be worried?"

The nurse reassured me that I was Ok and that, in fact, it was a stupid question.

This got me thinking further about all of the other stupid questions I've called my ObGyn with...mainly during my first pregnancy:

"Hi, this is Kelli, and I have a stupid question. I ate Imo's Pizza last night, and I just realized that it's made with Provel...which is a soft cheese. Should I be worried?" (for those of you not familiar with Provel - not to be mistaken with provolone - it is an absolutely delicious cheese native to the St. Louis area that seems to be a mix between mozzarella & cream cheese)

"Hi, this is Kelli, and I have a stupid question. I accidentally ate a bowl of Chef Boyardee Ravioli after my cat licked the bowl clean. Could I have toxoplasmosis?" (believe it or not, this incident was easy to explain...in my mind, anyway)

"Hi, this is Kelli, and I have stupid question. I put a pot roast in the crock pot this morning before work and devoured it when I got home, only to realize that I had left the plastic-paper-thingy stuck to the bottom of the roast. Can my baby come out with 4 arms or 3 eyes because of the chemicals released from the cooked plastic??" (I actually excused myself from a meeting at work the next day, locked myself in my office and called every doctor, grocery food safety expert and government health agency to relieve my fears...which they never did)

I know there have been many other phone calls or frantic Google searches on my behalf due to random worries, and undoubtedly there will be many more. I think most pregnant women go through this, at least during their first pregnancy. Some doctor should write a book comprised of their craziest questions...anonymously, of course.

For now, I'm staying clear of pot roast wrappers, soft cheese, lunch meat, hot dogs, wine, beer, excessive caffeine...basically anything yummy or stimulating. But I must admit, the second pregnancy has been much less stressful, knock on wood. Maybe by my third, I'll be carefree and won't start a single call to my doctor with, "Hi, this is Kelli, and I have a stupid question."

Regardless, I'm keeping an eye out for pool poop. Just in case.