Stupid Cow

It was a very unfortunate series of events that led to the big guy's fear of cows.

About six months ago, the big guy watched an episode of Curious George that would forever change his life and outlook on feel-good PBS morning shows. In this episode, there was a mysterious "moo" coming from the dark basement of George & The Man with the Yellow Hat's apartment building basement. It was an ominous, haunting "moo" that struck fear in the heart of primate and man alike. And although it was revealed in the final moments of the show to simply be one of George's See & Say-type toys, it forever scarred my son.

Later that same week, as we were watching "Ice Age" on a cable network, a Hardee's commercial came on. It was advertising its latest & greatest chicken sandwich. The commercial featured a man hunched down behind a bed in a seedy motel, only to be walked in on by a scary and realistic looking cow who felt as though the man was cheating on him with the chicken sandwich.

This was the breaking point for the big guy. Not only did scary cow sounds come from the basement and disrupt our happy, innocent, otherwise PBS-loving lives...cows also burst into our rooms and gave us dirty looks.

The months following these horrific episodes were rough on both the big guy and us. He wouldn't sleep in his bed. He would run into our room in the middle of the night. He would cry as we discussed going up to his room to read a book and prepare to sleep.

Why?

Because of the cow shadow.

Yes. A shadow of a cow.

Apparently his post-traumatic, bovine-induced stress had caused him to imagine a heifer-shaped shadow in is room. And what could be worse?

I could see this fear manifesting itself in many ways. He would creep out his room to sleep in the spare bedroom, being out of site of the horrible shadow. He would cringe as we drove past open, green pastures on our way to the in-laws. He kept to a strict regimen of McDonalds cheeseburgers, the only meat he will eat. "Die you sucker" I could almost hear him mutter under his breath between bites.

So the past few weeks, we've slowly transitioned him out of his room and into the office/spare bedroom - first moving only his bed. Slowly but surely, everything has switched. I asked him shortly before switching out the closets - the final and most tedious step of the transition - "are you sure you want this to be your bedroom?"

"Yes, mommy. There's now cow shadow in here."

Fair enough.

He's been doing ok in his new room. He still comes into our bedroom in the early hours of the morning from time to time, but I don't think I'll ever kick him out. I'll miss that some day. We just won't allow him to start his night out in there...that's strictly for mommy & daddy to do.

Last night, little brother woke up around 3 am - wide awake! If I walked away from his crib, he cried. Screamed. Freaked out. So instead of staying up with him, I decided I would lay him down in the spare bedroom so that I could sleep by him, and he would be happy to not be alone. As I laid there with no tv on, no night light on, I wondered..."What if Hayden wasn't crazy? What if there is some crazy cow in his old bedroom?" It's amazing what you'll imagine in the middle of the night.

But as it turns out, there was nothing to fear in that room.

However, I may take just a bit more enjoyment as well in eating my hamburger or steak this holiday weekend.

Stupid cow.