A New Kind of Resolution

This might be the first Monday of the new year in over two decades on which I haven't resolved to cut calories, lose weight and hit the gym 10 times a week.

Don't get me wrong. I will be vowing to do that and making a bee line to my pals over at Weight Watchers come June 2011. I look forward to counting points again and pretending that Jennifer Hudson is my homegirl.

Some people frown on resolutions, with the idea that if you're not going to do it the rest of the year, what makes Jan. 1 any different? I, however, believe there is great power in simply writing down your goals. Making lists makes my world go round. And sticking that resolution list on your bedside table to include with your nighttime prayers only strengthens your goals.

Approaching this new year, I almost felt lost. "What do I resolve to do if not fit into my smaller jeans, get a new hairstyle and slather on some fake tanning lotion?" The past two  years, these have been primary parts of my new year's to-dos. And don't get me wrong, I know that physical health and confidence are very important to your over all mental health and well-being. But this year, I've had to dig a bit deeper.

Yes, I definitely plan to organize more, pray more, read more, learn more and laugh more.

But most of all, this year I resolve to do...

NOTHING.

Yes, nothing.

Little moments, maybe even hours of doing nothing. Planning nothing.

Just BEING PRESENT.

Really being with my kids and doing whatever it is their little hearts are set on. Putting aside my agenda. My dirty dishes. My loads of laundry. My {dare I say it} Facebook and its often times meaningless updates from people I barely remember from grade school.

Pregnancy, or rather pregnancy hormones, have persuaded me to slow down and do nothing.

Christmas night, after a wonderful, joy-filled day with family, I laid in bed and bawled like a baby because I realized that in a few short days, I would be able to say "my baby starts kindergarten THIS year." I cried because life is going so fast, and I couldn't remember a moment from that day when I'd just done nothing with the big guy...just hung out, talked, used my imagination.

Then again this weekend, as we were loading up the car to leave my in-laws and the last Christmas get-together of the year, I found my way to the basement bathroom and bawled like a baby. All I could think was that this might be the last year that the big guy believes in Santa, that the dynamic between the two boys would be so different next year with a new baby brother or sister. And I cried because Christmas was over. Another year was coming to an end. And I felt like it went so fast that I couldn't really remember any of it.

(I should say that this isn't exclusive to pregnancy. I also bawled like a baby on our way home from family vacation this year.)

All of that being said, I know I can't slow down time. But I can stop, listen, be present and do nothing with my family...which could lead to doing a million different little things. I just know that I won't look back at my life when I'm 90 years old wishing that I had done more laundry, dusted more, vacuumed more or caught up on the statuses of random people from my past more. I am confident, however, that I will look back at those small, unplanned moments with my family and have the greatest joy.

I know we've all read this before, but I thought I'd end this ridiculously long post with  Erma Bombeck's "If I Had My Life To Live Over", written when she found out she had cancer. This is followed by a blog shared by a friend a few weeks ago. A word of warning: the subject matter is heart-breaking, written by a mom who recently unexpectedly lost her 20 month old in the middle of the night due to an undiagnosed case of meningitis. If you look back through her posts, you see that life was proceeding as normal. The busy hubub. Then tragedy. And then she writes that she wishes she would have slowed down, hugged her precious daughter when she asked for a hug instead of being too busy wrapping presents and getting ready for the Christmas festivities - something we can all relate to, I'm sure. I don't want to start the year on a sad note. But with the right perspective. And prayers for this family would be wonderful as well.

And then I'm getting off of the computer and going to give my boys a bear hug or two. I hear them in Hayden's room right now playing with Lincoln Logs. What will we build today?

Happy New Year, everyone! Make 2011 the best yet!!


If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

The Harrison Family Blog
http://threedoodles.blogspot.com/